Women, if you ask men how we differ, their reply would most commonly consist of a few themes along the lines of confusion, fascination, intricacies, and sometimes frustration. Being a daughter, older sister, good friend of some, and acquaintance of many, I have my own theory. It really all comes down to insecurity. Some have more than others and some are primarily prominant in the workplace while other insecurity is more evident in their personal life. One subject I have been wanting to tackle is the relationships among women. To possess a strong core network of women by your side is something I consider to be a very valuable asset. My network of women have made me stronger, more resilient, more patient, and even more successful by their inspiration and encouragement.
However, what do I see around me? Women are disrespecting each other—sizing each other up from head to toe. A portion of the female species analyzes every look, handbag, tone of voice, etc to the point that it is overwhelming and obviously a waste of time. Let’s just forget about empowerment altogether.
Insecurity, if I try to make an analogy, is a bit like salt. It is needed to a certain extent, but too much causes an unpleasant aftermath while desperately trying to recover with hydration. This bit of insecurity that stems from within, not only exists in our bonds with other women, but also diffuses into our other relationships. The need to be validated because we compare ourselves to others which causes suspicions and doubts to transpire in our mind when perhaps they are not rational at all. (I.E. My significant other is being unfaithful with that woman that is more (fill in the blank here) than me.)
What is the solution to this? Well, I am no life coach… (however one day I hope to be). But, what I do know is this. It starts with ourselves. We are constantly seeking to fill some void we have and our actions of being judgemental of others is an outward result of that. The majority of your attention should be going towards yourself, ideas, and your goals. You’re reading this and thinking…okay break it down for me.
I was no different a few years ago. I thought my happiness depended on the possible existence of some dreamy, preferably, 6 foot hunk out there that would complete the picture. Relationship after relationship, I learned more about myself; I was able to objectively evaluate my strengths, weaknesses, bad habits, as well as doors that were waiting to be opened. Therefore, if I summarize that process in a list…it would look like this:
- What activities make you happy?
- What are you inclined to do during your spare time?
- What are you better than most at? What do you feel is your purpose or something that distinguishes your essence from someone else’s?
- Are you doing those things?
- Are you doing them as often as you would like?
- If not, what is holding you back?
- How do you plan to eliminate or brush that obstacle to the side? (Because it is ALWAYS possible.)
- IMPLEMENT. LESS THINKING MORE DOING. (This is the most important step.)
This checklist seems like a no-brainer. But, the problem is that especially with women in our 20’s….we keep ourselves so busy to totally skip over this mental thought process. Then, we wake up one day feeling like we got run over and completely empty wondering what the hell happened. Unhappiness due to unfulfillment which in turn leads to insecurity. This insecurity becomes expressed in a sour attitude towards our fellow females and finally a pathetic devotion to seeking validation from another source.
Once I incorporated this decision-making process into my life, I found myself reading, traveling, dancing, and writing quite a bit more. These were the things that kept my tank full and that I had neglected. I stopped making excuses and made these my priorities. Whether it meant setting aside time or money, it was planned. It was planned just like a grocery list or a project timeline. The steps were set and then executed.
I will conclude this post with saying that this is not just applicable to women, but since I am one, this perspective is what I know best. If you feel your life is lacking somewhere, ask yourself these questions and give yourself a brutal answer. Are you making yourself a priority?
I am a quote junkie…I am very aware, but the ones below tie in together. Indulge and soak it in.
“The key to ultimate happiness and fulfillment lies within our own transformation. The more we learn and grow and evolve as individuals, the more we will find happiness and satisfaction in relationships, work and life.”
“Fulfilling your destiny is like going on an errand assignment. You must run it to make it meaningful. You don’t become who you should become when you remain passionlessly without taking actions.”
“It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.”― Maya Angelou
Because ladies, we should empower each other and that starts with empowering ourselves,