It is currently 8:13 PM and I am going over the past three years in my head as if it was a movie reel spinning repeatedly. Today is just one of those days…filled with reflections and contemplations. I’ve been thinking about individuals and the roles they have played in my life. I am a strong believer in that every person serves a purpose whether it is to teach us something, help us discover a part within us we were not aware of before, or overall assist in our process of evolution. Yes, we are constantly evolving…and becoming a better version of ourselves. 2.0, 3.0, and it continues. One day, we hope we become that best version of ourselves with someone that stays by our side. The process of evolution though is a funny thing however. Sometimes, it lifts you so high in the sky and other times you are face flat on the cement. Beautiful, painful, CONFUSING!
A few weeks ago, I was speaking with my mother, who is also one of my closest friends, about my fears and inhibitions moving forward. She made it a very simple for me. As I said, “Ma, how do I not know that the next time I give something my whole heart and effort, that it won’t come back to sucker punch me in the face?!” (Don’t mind the imagery—but I mean, you get the idea.) She pointed out that I was looking at everything through the wrong lens. Every person, role, and relationship is an experience…it is a lesson. Don’t ask if the next one will be like the last one. But, ask what did YOU take out of it? Did your view on something change? What is something you are proud of? What will you do differently that will be better? If you did not have these moments, you would not be the new, improved, version that you are.
But, much like the iPhone, it is important to remember….that with all these upgrades, we must not lose our core functionality.
We must not lose our unique essence in the turbulence. It was a reminder that I had needed. I had been trying so hard to be careful, too calculated, and simply put, a CLAM. A few things about me: I live in a way so I never have any regrets—I say what’s on my mind (with good intentions), I’m spontaneous, and I follow what feels right. I do not let fear hinder me from something I may desire and I push my own boundaries in that regards. For a while, I thought maybe my spontaneity was the issue and that was the reason I had undergone what seemed like a volcano explosion of pain. I thought that my way of living life was maybe a way of just causing trouble for myself. However, my view was jaded. My essence which is spontaneous, transparent (seriously, my facial expressions cannot hide shit to save its life), non-judgemental while seeing the best in others is NOT to blame. Instead, I had a few lessons of my own to learn along the way which would not have been possible without a few people.
So, treat the journey like different classes. It will continue to become more advanced and eventually one day, you will be standing on the steps of “Harvard Love School” with your degree in hand. Then, you will have to go and get your graduate degree (AKA Marriage) which has many classes of its own from what a few friends tell me….but that’s a whole other concept I have not yet grasped and I’m okay with that haha. You may get lost around campus, want to skip a class or two, and maybe even struggle with a few exams…but in the end, my gut tells me that diploma and the person giving it to me will be all worth it.
As always, thanks for reading….