Below you will find some common misconceptions or perceptions that individuals hold on to in terms of being single, dating, and relationships. Let the rant and myth busting begin!
1) “It’s easy to be with someone, it is much harder to be by yourself.”
I rock at this lifestyle. Weekends are adventures and I have an endless list of stories that make me believe sometimes moments I experience could all be compiled into a pretty awesome movie. I meet the most intriguing people wherever I go and the conversations can be quite charming. My life is dictated by my schedule, my wants, and my needs. Catching a pattern here? A lot of ME. It can be very easy to embrace the single life, but it is much harder to combine the “me” mindset to include someone else. You have to be strong and vulnerable, open up and communicate, and be a bit selfless. There are uncomfortable moments and sometimes pain. There is middle ground and another view point to take into consideration. When you care about someone deeply, their needs unconsciously become a priority. So, if you are one of the individuals out there that think true strength is measured by the capability of being alone. Think again. There are two sides to every coin.
2) “You’re single, so you must be lonely.”
I am alone, yes. I pursue many solo activities such as working out, exploring areas of Minny I haven’t to before, occasionally dining out, traveling, etc. I very much do appreciate the solitude when I want to reflect or just isolate myself from distractions and background noise. However, when something great happens at work, or when you find a great concert/trip/ whatever the case may be and your friends are busy, it would definitely be nice to have someone there. I would love to have someone to share good news with and be able to do just random stuff with. Oh and the worst is when you are sick! Who doesn’t like to be taken care of and have soup just waiting for them on their nightstand? I’m not lonely though and neither are my single girlfriends…we are pretty content with spending time with ourselves yet we will also be a different kind of content when we can do that with someone amazing too.
3) “You get to meet so many new individuals, flirt /date around, and enjoy the casual fun of it all.”
Yes, I know I said I get to meet intriguing people previously, but I also meet a lot of strange, rude, and confused people as well. This is the not so glamorous (also highly irritating) aspect of socializing and the dating process in general.
This past week a guy offered me a job as his secretary after meeting him initially at a party. HIS SECRETARY. In one point in the conversation, he also tried guessing my current salary. I think he thought he had a great sense of humor but his sexist jokes and tasteless etiquette made me want to practice my rusty upper cut again. Chivalry ain’t dead but damn, sometimes it is hibernating.
A couple of days ago, I got an invite to grab drinks with an acquaintance. No harm right? WRONG. This invite comes at 1 AM via text asking me if 10:30PM the follow evening is okay with me? Excuse me?!?! This is a blatant booty call. No thank you. And for your kind information evening ends at 8 PM last time I checked. Yes, I am nice and made up a work excuse because I did not know how to convey that I would not like to take part in his late night sketchy rendezvous where I’m sure the conversation would just be an obligatory precursor to whatever his wild imagination was scheming.
And then there are the individuals that are hot and cold, they push and pull, they play the game and the sad part is, some aren’t aware that they are doing it. I give these people what I call…stroke my ego syndrome. They sense an interest, when you reciprocate, they lead you on, disappear, miss the attention, and then do it all over again. A vicious never-ending cycle.
Also, side note, since when has it become “cool” to be so foggy about your intentions? I guess I lucked out because being straightforward and also have dated straightforward people in the past—I never really experienced “the games” until now. At the end of the day, it’s black and white, if someone is genuinely interested—they will be crystal clear and their actions will show you too. Leave the guessing for game shows lovies. Otherwise, drum roll, he is just not THAT into you.
4) “So, do you go out a lot now?” (What they really mean: Are you drinking your pathetic misery away?)
Twenty-somethings can also have hobbies too. Crazy, right? This comment comes from mainly an elder crowd. I guess they just suppose that bars and clubs are the only social environment available to us…who knows. I have to say that I’m a girl that loves a good cocktail and to be able to dance the night away. But, I also like turning off my phone and reading a good book for hours or going for a hike. I also like to wonder around in art museums and come up with my own theories for contemporary art pieces. And, there are days where I would just rather have a movie marathon or Facetime with my family and friends that aren’t here with me. Just because you don’t have a partner, does not equate you to being party animal with no stability. But, I still get to say sorry not sorry when I do party :p
5) “People who are happy being single usually are bitter or afraid of commitment.”
Maybe, I am at the point in my life now where I can look at each experience for what it was and not deduct that certain relationships just define relationships as a whole. Let’s be honest, we have all been in crappy situations. It’s a lot like Chinese takeout. Some are just amazing and have the best balance of spice and flavor, some are incredibly bland, and some with their toxic level of MSGs will cause you problems the next day. Anyways, my point is, you still love Chinese –it’s not like you stop eating it. There will just be some days where you want to have Mexican instead. In summary, there are people out there (including me) that love where they are at in a point of time and make the best of it whether that’s solo or as a team.
6) “I can just be myself with him or her.”
Ummm, wait up. Who was I being before that?! Shouldn’t we always be ourselves? Perhaps, I am being too nit-picky with this statement, but you should always be you. Now, the question if someone likes that or not is totally different. I feel that once you put someone on a pedestal to determine or give you permission on how YOU behave, that’s when you both lose. Authenticity is the root of genuine feelings and if they complement each other, then that’s fabulous! If not, well at least you know and you continue to be damn awesome.
I hope you enjoyed my two cents on these various misconceptions and that maybe I challenged you to think differently about how you approach single life or relationships. There are truly good and not so great things about being single…but the conflicting aspects of it is what makes it so interesting. You milk it for what it’s worth and take other things with a grain of salt. But, most importantly, you live honestly and fearlessly in every moment. That is all for now and as always thanks for reading!