With the constant firing of neurons and fluctuating estrogen levels, the thoughts that flood our brain during a first date can be downright comical to absolutely ridiculous. Every date is different depending on a multitude of factors…but below you will find a piece solely for entertainment purposes on a typical scenario. Some thoughts are more common than others…but one thing is for sure…we are all over the place. Let’s just call it mental multi-tasking. From a 20-something woman to you…enjoy!
- I wonder what I should wear….it shouldn’t be too over the top, otherwise it looks like I’m trying too hard.
- No dress, got to keep some mystery.
- But, I don’t want to look like a nun either.
- I WILL NEVER HAVE THIS KINDA BODY AFTER MY 20s…we all know what happens to middle-aged Indian women. I must live in the moment. YOLO.
- Hair…wavy or straight…hmm?
- If I wear this bold lip color, I might scare him away. Boys don’t really understand edgy fashion.
- Who cares, magenta it is! Makes my lips go POP.
- Oh no, one of my wing liners is bigger than the other. Crap, this is so difficult! *Looks up YouTube Tutorial*
- I think he’s an inch taller than me. So, if I wear these heels and he has an inferiority complex, it’s pretty much a deal breaker. Eh, I can’t part ways with my pumps.
- Damn girl! You look good! What a lucky guy! *Dances with Iggy blasting in the background*
- Shit, enough dancing… I’m going to be late. 5-10 minutes is okay, but he better be on time. All about that punctuality.
On The Date
- Whew! He’s here before me…okay cute…he’s cuter than in his picture!
- We just did this awkward handshake, half hug, and back rub combination. Nice to meet you too.
- Okay he’s making eye contact and phone is put away. Veryyyyyy nice. 10 points.
- And he’s cracking jokes with me and the waiter. Respect to service workers. This is looking good.
- Ofcourse, I want a Merlot! Mind reader. Oh my gosh he ordered the bottle…is he trying to be fancy? Omg, I do love this wine though…I am so glad I UBERed here…the wine blushing has already started.
- Aw, I saw what you did there. Gushing at that baby. So, maybe, 3 kids…well, maybe 2…but I like chaos…shit, child birth is the most painful thing out there. OMG FOCUS.
- I really want the filet mignon…but he is getting a pasta. I am so damn hungry but it doesn’t look nice to eat more than him. Um yes….I am ready to order. I will have the filet…medium well. I am pretty sure I just saw his eyes get wider in my peripherals. Oh well, haters gonna hate. Plus, it’s not like I came for the free food. I am a successful independent woman and I can buy my own damn steak thank you very much.
- THIS WINE IS SO YUMMY AND HE IS SO FUNNY.
- And woah…dimples.
- I think Mom could actually like this one. I always wanted one that would make jokes with her and call her randomly like she’s his own mom. Sigh…what the heck girl, you don’t even know this guy. Slow your roll. He could be taking out ten girls for all you know. He could be the Tinder master or secretly engaged. Okay rewind, think positive thoughts. This is not a Dateline episode.
- Wait a second, this boy does not stop talking. Don’t you want to know anything about me?! Oh, there he is….yeah these are my ambitions and dreams, etc etc.
- Awkward pause. I never feel awkward…what’s wrong with me? Thank god….waiter to the rescue. I think I’m good…no, no dessert for me. I need to start working on abs again because he seems like he has a six pack underneath that collared shirt. Hey, you just never know.
- Alright, here comes the awkward bill fight. We know he’s gonna pay–which I hate because I can afford my own dinner. But, I don’t wanna come across as too feminist or demasculinize him. But, still I jam to Miss Independent like Neyo made it for me on the way to work. He better know that. Still, I like when they take the lead sometimes. Oh, here it is! “Let me split…it’s really not a biggie. Seriously.” “Are you sure? Well, thank you. That’s so sweet of you.”
- God, the formalities…I hate dating. We all behave as if we have been summoned into the principal’s office. Ofcourse, everyone is going to act like an angel.
- Aw, he is putting my coat on for me. Maybe, chivalry isn’t dead. I wonder if he’s going to kiss me.
- No, it’s okay you don’t have to walk me to my car. I am getting an uber. You will drop me home? No, not yet buddy. I know where your mind is going! Hmph.
- Oh, he is getting the uber for me…so sweet. It’s so bloody cold. WHY DO I LIVE IN MINNESOTA. Oh, he’s leaning in because he noticed I am shivering like a crazy person. Ah, okay, that is why I live in the tundra.
- Not bad first kiss. Don’t smile too much. Stop that— you are not 16.
- I had a great time too….it was nice meeting you. Less awkward hug this time.
Uber Ride Back Home
- *Squeals from post-kiss endorphins* Wow, what a dirty look! Whatever, UBER driver…judge all you want. You are just jealous. Oh, you’re waiting on the destination…oops. Sorry about that.
- Hmm, I kind of like him. Still, I need to go slow. The dating process is so superficial anyways…I still don’t know him for sure.
- Awww…he just texted me. Reads: I had such a fun time with you tonight. It was lovely meeting you and please text me that you got home safely.
- Damn, my phone blew up. Everyone’s wondering how it went. It was awesome guys but playing it cool because don’t wanna jinx this. I have the worst luck—let’s be real.
- Maybe, I can do this relationship thing again. I don’t think I have baggage anymore…but man I really do like the single life. Don’t have to fight over netflix, no forced cuddling, no communication required when I feel like disconnecting from the world. Man, am I even ready for this?
- Don’t overthink it…let’s just go with the flow.
- The girls can wait on the recap until tomorrow…I’m wine sleepy.
- I hope I see him again…
- Good night world.
Hope you enjoyed our leak of the wonderful female mind. You know you love us,