Back from a writing hiatus and we are here to talk about the current playing field of dating. Some of this post is inspired by conversations with friends and some from my own experiences. Nonetheless, I can agree with it all. Enjoy!
1) Having an abundance of access to someone’s personal information via social media and the ease of Google make it so simple to “know” someone before taking the time to actually get to know them. Music preferences, travel diaries, articles they post, and their LinkedIN journey beg for you to construct your own version of the person they embody in your mind…whether it may be aligned with reality or not.
2) As I was speaking to one of my male friends, he blurts out in exasperation, “I hate dating apps.” After probing more, we dissected it to be due to two issues. The first being that everything you have learned regarding morality since childhood gets thrown out of the window. You have to judge a book by its cover, in this case, a default picture accompanied by a short snippet about them. As if a love for food and the great outdoors actually guarantees this to be someone you potentially would date. So, in short, it’s a superficial process. The second reason as he expressed and I am eloquently translating for you is that apps mellow the excitement of the chase. You swipe right, get a match, have a semi-awkward conversation working with the previously mentioned snippet of your shared interest of eating (gasp)…hope for virtual sparks to fly and maybe a yes to a dinner date. Takes the fun out of it. (Mind you, after this conversation, he continued to window shop on his dating app. I guess, if you can’t beat em, join em.)
3) Another growing trend is the allergy to exclusivity. Ah, the wonderful craving of intimacy but phobia of commitment. When the word relationship comes to mind, some millenials get a case of nausea. There seems to be this distorted notion that a relationship is hindering to growth, diminishing of your independence, and a migraine waiting to happen. I can understand if you do not have the time to invest in getting to know and understanding someone or you are healing yourself from a previous relationship. However avoiding relationships altogether because of the other misconceptions is quite unfortunate. In a healthy one, the person becomes your teammate and you retain your individual identity while enjoying the overlap of the two. You challenge each other, respect each other’s space, and discover new depths of yourself at the same time.
4) And the most popular and exhausting one of all is the lack of direct communication. We hide behind a screen of texting and do not like discussing our emotions. Playing it cool over time causes a build up of resentment towards the other all because of a fear of confrontation. However, we do not realize that we could lead more fulfilling bonds if we simply talked things through.
Now, since this is Positivity Filter, we have to have a good takeaway. So, what can we do to change this? Simple. Change the game and it starts with you. Set the standard. Break the bad habits and eventually people will start returning the favor. If you want to call someone the next day, then don’t wait three days. And if you’re irritated, do not retort with “I’m fine”.
And so I leave you with a short and sweet quote by Nido Qubien,
“Change brings opportunity.”
Be the change and you might end up surprising yourself to where it takes you or to whom.
Thanks for reading!